Novela Chapter 3: Weird True Crime Dumb Criminals Bad Santas

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Dark Cast Network indie pods with a
dark side. We asked on our Instagram

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community chat what your favorite what the
Fuck Wednesday content is, and an overwhelming

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amount stated dumb Criminals. I mean, we are here to please, so

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we decided to bring you yet another
dopamine filled episode of Dumb Criminals Bad Santa

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Edition. Before we get started on
some jolly fat man shenanigans, let's hear

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our riddle for the day. I
can travel all around the world just like

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Santa Claus without ever leaving my corner. What am I be sure to stick

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around to the end to find out
the answer. Our first Bad Santa is

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fifty five year old John Michael Barton. Okay, so this guy had apparently

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been dressing up and posing as Sanna
working with children for quite some time in

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December two thousand and six when this
all went down, his wife had passed

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away several years prior, and working
with children had become his passion. He

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had a black two thousand and three
Triumph motorcycle with a sidecar that he puts

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a stuffed root off the red nose
reindeer doll in it. So you know,

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the kids loved that. One Sunday
evening, he stopped at a convenience

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store to get gas for his motorcycle. Also at the convenience store was a

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family with their three young girls.
Santa sticks out like a sore thumb in

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any setting, I mean, unless
we're talking about a Santa convention or something,

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but we are not, needless to
say. The three girls noticed the

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jolly man and he asked them if
they would like to see his stuffed reindeer.

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They all followed Barton over to his
motorcycle to see the reindeer in question.

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Pretty harmless sounding so far. Then
suddenly the girl's mother heard Barton's motorcycle

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startup. To her horror, she
saw Barton driving away with her little girl

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in the side car and told her
husband Trip, he's got our child.

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Oh my god. The mother stayed
behind with the two younger girls while their

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father, Trip chased after the man
and his eight year old daughter. He

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drove eighty miles an hour behind them, flashing his lights and honking his horn

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to get Barton to pull over.
Finally, Barton pulled into a church parking

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lot and Trip parked his car in
front of the motorcycle so he couldn't leave

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again. He jumped out of his
car. Confronted, Barton, grabbed his

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daughter and drove back to the convenience
store with his wife and two other girls.

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While he had been gone, the
authorities were contacted, but by the

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time they made it back to the
church parking lot, Barton was gone.

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Morris said he wasn't sure what Barton's
intentions were, but he was definitely intoxicated.

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Police found his motorcycle parked outside of
a bar later on that night,

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and when they went in they found
his Santa hat and a glass of wine

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sitting on the bar counter. Y'all
never guess where They found the big man

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hiding in a utility room in the
bar. He was arrested around nine fifty

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two PM, and it had been
evident he had been drinking for quite some

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time. Barton appeared in court shortly
after, where he apologized and that he

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just asked if anyone wanted a ride, and the eight year old little girl

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did so he took her for a
ride. So, I mean, this

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is just a classic example of like, don't don't drink and drive like you

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didn't he did. Sound decisions were
not made. No, there's definitely a

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theme in this episode. Uh yeah. I mean, look, he's just

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trying to spread cher. But in
your right mind, you're right, sober

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mind, you would probably maybe think, hmm, taking this small child in

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my motorcycle without talking to her parents
and just you know, leaving with her

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from a gas station probably not the
best idea. Also, he's going at

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least eighty miles an hour down the
road with a small child in a sidecar,

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any motorcycle, Oh my god.
Yeah hm, he might have had,

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you know, like really innocent intentions
behind it, like, oh,

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she just wanted to ride. I
was just doing her a favorite nobody.

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Maybe not next time as an adult, I don't know, give her the

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reindeer, go buy another one.
Oh there you go. I mean,

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gift gift the people things. Let's
not kidnap him. Kidnapping is the name

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of Christmas. No, the name
Chris was. I feel like that should

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be a title somewhere. We could
make that happen. Wait, I don't

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think there's definitely a running trend in
this episode. For sure? Yeah,

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okay, Well, our next Santa
also went for a joy ride, but

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luckily no children were involved in this
one. So on Black Friday, the

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day after Thanksgiving, for those who
don't have a Black Friday where you are?

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In twenty fifteen, a guy dressed
up as old Saint Nick and rented

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a helicopter from an air taxi service
at the Campo Marte airport in Sal Paulo,

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Brazil for what he dubbed a Black
Friday surprise. Yeah, so he

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boards the helicopter with the pilot and
they take off. They're in the air

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for a while when Santa suddenly forces
the pilot to fly to a small farm

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outside of the city. When they
land, they're met by another person who

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seems to know our naughty Santa,
but like, no word on if they

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were dressed up as an elf or
not. But that would definitely make this

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story way more entertaining if they were. So I'm just that's not what I'm

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picturing in my head. So Santa
and his helper tie up the pilot and

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leave him on the ground while they
take off in this stolen helicopter sleigh.

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The pilot managed to get himself loose
after a few hours and told police about

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the thieving Chris Kringle, but apparently
the helicopter and its passengers were never found.

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I I mean, where did he
go? Hey? Man, Santa's

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magic all right, magical thieving Santa
clause. Maybe it was a present for

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someone. Maybe he ran out a
time and he couldn't make a helicopter himself

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like the elve or the elves didn't
know how, and so he had to

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steal one. Or maybe the reindeer
got sick and he needed a faster way

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of you know, getting from place
to place. Who the hell was so

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his Black Friday surprise was surprise,
I'm gonna take this helicopter. I need

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this for stuff and things. Bye
bye, first stuff. My question is

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they know what the helicopter was.
What it looked like, probably some sort

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of identification tag for the vehicle.
How did they never find it? Where?

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Where did Santa shrunk it to give
to a little boy for Christmas?

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Or little girl? I really love
the way, I really love the way

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thing or a little girl. Yeah, you know, I don't know why

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I am the way that I am. I'm sorry, I love it,

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but yeah, his helper was definitely
dressed as an elf, and that's just

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your Yeah, clearly in my mind, nothing to fari us up in here.

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No oh man, Okay, So
cooking during the holidays is really,

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really exhausting. There's so much work
to do and it goes by so fast.

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And then the cleanup, Oh my
god. Even if you're like me

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and like clean as you cook,
it takes a small eternity to finish.

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To me, sometimes it just doesn't
seem worth it. So I can see

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the appeal of eating out for Christmas
and skipping it all together. Yeah,

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it looks like our next Santa in
question was tired of waiting for his cookies

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and milk too. Across the pond
in England, a man dressed up wearing

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a red hat, red pants and
a red jacket over a black shirt climbed

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through the freaking drive through a window
of a KFC restaurant back in December twenty

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fifteen. Yes, he hoisted himself
through the drive through a window and demanded

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cash. Apparently the restaurant only keeps
around three hundred euros in the drawer at

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all times, so he started threatening
the employees with a knife to open up

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the safe in the back. Dude
was able to make it out of the

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restaurant with an undisclosed amount of cash, and due to the time of year,

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naturally making an identification of the man
was gonna prove difficult. Instead of

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wearing a white bushy beard, he
had a mask covering his face. So

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literally the only notable thing about his
appearance was the hole Santa get up,

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which providing that in to the general
public to be on the lookout for anyone

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who matched the description would be completely
useless. Come to think of it,

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does he belong on the dumb Criminals
list? I mean he used the time

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of year to his advantage and managed
to escape with some cash. On the

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other hand, he dressed up as
Jolly Saint Nick and climbed through a drive

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through window of a fast food joint. Yeah, he's right where he belongs.

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Yeah. I just love that so
many people use the Santa get up

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to their advantage this time of year, because it's true, there are so

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many people dressed up like Santa for
different events all over the place, whether

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it's you know, Salvation Army,
Sanna's Mal Sanna's, Santa's and other events,

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photographing and so it's like you right, So it's like if you try

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on the Santa costume and you're like, oh, you know, look out

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for this, it's like cool,
that doesn't help me at all, because

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there's literally hundreds of them all over
the place. So it's kind of genius

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if you think about it. And
the fact that, like, we obviously

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don't know who this person is.
I mean, hey, it's the second

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Santa and a Row that got away
with whatever his caper was. So and

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if I recall correctly, it's not
going to be the last. No.

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So spoilers, no, yeah,
spoilers, but it's still hilarious. Okay,

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I don't know about you, but
I don't think I've ever really thought

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about what Sianna wears under the suit. I would never do that. Well,

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I mean, does it get sweaty
or is he freezing? Like?

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Is he wearing Long John's under there? Like, if I had to guess,

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I would assume the sand is probably
like a tidy whiteie kind of guy.

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You know, there was an image
I never needed, No, I

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mean, he just seems like the
type, but he decided to mix it

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up. One day back in two
thousand and seven, Santa was taking a

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joy ride down Hollywood Boulevard in California
when he got pulled over for driving under

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the influence of too much eggnog.
See, I told you there was a

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theme here. When the officer approached
the extra jolly guy, he noticed the

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famous red hat, but the suit
was nowhere to be found. Instead,

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he was wearing a blonde wig,
a red lace, cameusol, purple g

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string, black leg warmers, and
black shoes. Obviously this wasn't Satanick.

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No, this was fifty three year
old Rick Carrol. The intoxicated ans Nasalie

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dressed dude was taken to jail,
where he paid the five thousand dollars bail

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before picking up his sleigh AKAA two
thousand and eight Chevy im Paula from the

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impound lot. I just hope no
kids saw him so indisposed where they would

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probably be a little scarred. There's
so many conversations that you try to avoid

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having with your children, and I'm
pretty sure that's going to be one at

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the top of the list. Mommy, why is Santana gee street? God,

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No, children shouldn't even know what
it. Mommy wear Santa suit?

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Why can I see Santa's butt cheeks? All right, I recant my previous

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comment about the tidy whities and welcome
that back to the forefront of my brain.

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That seems much more of like an
accepted visual not that I've ever really

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thought about it before what Santa wears
under his clothes? But we all wear

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something under there, right, Well, maybe not, he's a commando type

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of dude. I don't know,
but I definitely wouldn't picture a purple chee

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string. No, okay, no, I just want to know what that

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guy had been doing before that.
No, yeah, running theme all right,

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this next one. I don't think
there was an actual costume involved.

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However, this dude's actions during his
shenanigans landed him a spot on Today's List.

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Back in December twenty nineteen, in
Wisconsin, a family dog kept barking

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at a bedroom closet one evening.
When the woman of the house and another

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family member tried to open it up
to investigate, they couldn't the door wouldn't

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budge. What they did discover was
fingers sticking out from inside the door,

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holding it shit nightmare. Needless to
say, that warranted a call to the

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police, since they were sure it
wasn't anyone they knew hiding out in there.

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Also, it might have been the
fact that the dude said ho ho

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ho while in there and told the
family not to ruin their Christmas surprise by

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opening the door. You can't make
this shit up. During a phone call

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to nine one one, Creepy Santa
fled the closet and went to a nearby

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garage, where he pilfered some items
before moving on to yet another house.

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He apparently forgot that a lot of
families have dogs as pets, and the

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next house he went to he got
spooped away because of a dog barking at

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him. Cops tracked him by his
footprints in the snow to another garage on

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a different street. I swear the
next part is seriously something out of a

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Three Stooges skit. So the officers
get the code to the garage right,

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they punch it in, and when
it started to open, they noticed someone

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on the inside of the garage push
the button to close it. This happened

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multiple times until finally one of the
officers was able to distract the dude and

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they were able to get into the
garage. The man was thirty two year

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old Cabian Coleman, who had confessed
to being under the influence of drugs and

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was on his way to turn himself
in when the police had started chasing him.

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Sure, something tells me he was
not on his way to turn to

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himself. He's got the jingle balls
to tell the family. Don't open the

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door and ruin your Christmas surprise.
Really, what is a surprise. The

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fact that you are in my closet
is a surprise, my dude, I

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think that was the surprise. Sti't
ruin your surprise. Don't get the fuck

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out of my house. Oh my
god, drugs are bad. What are

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we learning? Drugs and alcohol in
Santa do not mix. Don't. Oh

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oh man, that one's funny.
Okay, Amber, I feel like this

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Santa might be a little more your
speed. So not only is Santa embracing

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his golf side in this story,
but it happens around Halloween. So back

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in twenty fourteen, a twenty one
year old University of Saint Thomas college student

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named Brock Johnson, which is a
very great college guy name. I have

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to say so myself. Brock Johnson. Okay, Well, he was participating

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in a zombie pub crawl that was
taking place in Minneapolis, Minnesota. If

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you were well, Amber and I
do have experience dressing up like zombies and

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going to parties, so this one
is definitely right up or Ali for sure.

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Oh yeah, so this guy is
obviously dressed like a zombie, right,

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well, not any type of zombie, a zombie Santa Claus zombie clause,

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which is very clever, yes,
zombie clause. And I don't know

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how many bars that zombie Santa Brock
had been to that night, but it

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must have been a few, because
somehow he managed to make his way into

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a family's home around nine forty five
that night. He walked right into the

205
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living room and terrified a little boy
who was just hanging out in his own

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house. So the boy took off
running and left through a back door,

207
00:19:03.680 --> 00:19:11.519
leaving his teenage sister alone with drunk
Santa in zombie makeup. The girl locked

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00:19:11.559 --> 00:19:15.799
herself in a bathroom upstairs and called
her parents, who weren't home at the

209
00:19:15.799 --> 00:19:19.400
time. So the parents call the
cops and rush home, obviously, where

210
00:19:19.440 --> 00:19:25.039
they find zombie Claws passed out in
the house and vomit on the floor.

211
00:19:26.359 --> 00:19:33.720
Awesome, so gross. The cops
wake up Brock, who has no idea

212
00:19:33.799 --> 00:19:37.839
where he is or how he got
there. He was cited for trespassing and

213
00:19:37.880 --> 00:19:45.160
taken to a detox center to sober
up. I think Santa Brock probably should

214
00:19:45.160 --> 00:19:49.640
have swapped some of those alcoholic beverages
for water or food during the pub crawl.

215
00:19:52.039 --> 00:19:56.319
Yeah, I mean, other than
the unwanted vomit on the floor.

216
00:19:56.319 --> 00:20:00.440
At least nobody was injured. But
dear guy, that poor little boy got

217
00:20:00.440 --> 00:20:04.519
the shit scared out of it.
He will never look at Santa the same

218
00:20:04.559 --> 00:20:12.359
way. No, I'm scared of
Santa. Fuck that guy. That guy.

219
00:20:12.920 --> 00:20:18.079
I don't want him giving me a
ship. Oh it is. His

220
00:20:18.559 --> 00:20:22.559
makeup was probably all like smeared or
messed up or whatever because he had like

221
00:20:22.640 --> 00:20:26.559
been out all day drinking too.
He was probably a hot mess. Express

222
00:20:26.720 --> 00:20:30.480
I would be like, can you
make him come over and clean up his

223
00:20:30.519 --> 00:20:34.279
own vomit? Like I'm not cleaning
I'm not, but I couldn't. I

224
00:20:34.279 --> 00:20:37.839
couldn't handle an extended period of time
smelling though. No, God, of

225
00:20:37.839 --> 00:20:41.440
course not. But Goddess, like
my kids. My cleaning up after my

226
00:20:41.519 --> 00:20:48.960
kids is bad enough. But like
a drug stranger. Oh Jesus, Okay,

227
00:20:49.240 --> 00:20:52.200
Oh, I hope he's okay.
Now, I hope, I hope

228
00:20:52.200 --> 00:20:57.799
you're okay. Brock Brock Johnson,
I'm not gonna forget that one for a

229
00:20:57.799 --> 00:21:02.440
while. Well, we're at another
restaurant for this gem of a tail.

230
00:21:03.559 --> 00:21:08.359
In a Buffalo Wild Wings of all
places, a fifty seven year old man

231
00:21:08.599 --> 00:21:14.200
claimed to be Santa, and he
was handing out presents to the staff and

232
00:21:14.279 --> 00:21:18.000
customers. Okay, so before you
start going on, that's where the warm

233
00:21:18.000 --> 00:21:26.079
and fuzzies stop and the munchies probably
begin because instead of legos and barbies,

234
00:21:26.799 --> 00:21:30.799
Randy Lange was I don't know if
that's how you say his name. I

235
00:21:30.839 --> 00:21:33.559
mean that seems right to me.
We're gonna go with it. Yeah,

236
00:21:34.000 --> 00:21:41.200
Randy Lange was seen wrapping marijuana in
napkins and handing it out to people.

237
00:21:42.160 --> 00:21:48.319
He even gave a weed filled napkin
to an employee and stuffed a bunch into

238
00:21:48.400 --> 00:21:56.519
the tip jar. He had five
football sized amounts of marijuana in his duffel

239
00:21:56.519 --> 00:22:02.039
bag that weighed over two freaking pounds. Wow. He would wrap up some

240
00:22:02.039 --> 00:22:04.240
weed in a napkin and hand it
out to the customers, saying he was

241
00:22:04.319 --> 00:22:10.519
Santa and he had a gift for
them. Now, look, I know

242
00:22:11.359 --> 00:22:15.519
he had like two pounds of stuff
in his duffel bag, but man,

243
00:22:15.680 --> 00:22:19.200
that sounds like one hell of an
expensive gift. Yeah. He must standing

244
00:22:19.200 --> 00:22:23.559
out all willy nilly. He must
have been enjoying a lot of his own

245
00:22:23.640 --> 00:22:30.279
stash to feel that giving. Yes, Seriously, he was here in a

246
00:22:30.319 --> 00:22:33.119
real good mood and he's like,
I'm just going to share the love.

247
00:22:33.160 --> 00:22:37.480
I mean, oh, I bet
there were a few real happy customers in

248
00:22:37.519 --> 00:22:45.759
there. Buffalo Wild Ways gonna have
the munchies part taken care of. So

249
00:22:47.000 --> 00:22:52.119
did he get arrested or did it
say? Oh yeah, no, he

250
00:22:52.079 --> 00:22:56.599
got arrested. Okay, Okay,
I'm just like, how did he get

251
00:22:56.599 --> 00:23:00.359
his hands on that much? Unless
he like grew it. Maybe we're dealing

252
00:23:00.400 --> 00:23:04.799
with a Walter White Santa. Oh
yeah, I mean, at least it's

253
00:23:04.839 --> 00:23:10.880
weed and not coke. That's yeah, it's bad. That's what I was

254
00:23:10.920 --> 00:23:12.599
going that. It could be worse. But I mean, if you're going

255
00:23:12.640 --> 00:23:17.000
to hand out any sort of drug
at a Buffalo Wild Wings, at least

256
00:23:17.039 --> 00:23:23.039
it's just we'd at least it's weed. Could be worse. Okay, don't

257
00:23:23.039 --> 00:23:27.079
make it weird, Gina, don't
make it weird. Don't make it weird,

258
00:23:27.160 --> 00:23:33.599
Santa. Okay, So do you
ever wonder if Santa gets dressed like

259
00:23:33.640 --> 00:23:38.319
the rest of us do around the
holidays, Like, how does he blow

260
00:23:38.319 --> 00:23:44.559
off steam when the weight of giving
presents to billions of children across the globe

261
00:23:44.640 --> 00:23:48.960
just becomes too heavy. I've never
really thought about it, but I mean,

262
00:23:48.039 --> 00:23:52.680
Santa has feelings too, I'm sure. I'm sure it gets be a

263
00:23:52.680 --> 00:23:56.839
little too much sometimes. But whatever
he does, I don't think it's what

264
00:23:57.160 --> 00:24:03.759
this guy dressed as Santa did.
Back in December of twenty fourteen, So

265
00:24:03.079 --> 00:24:10.240
a man named Derek Anderson drove up
to the Blue Sky convenience store in McCombe,

266
00:24:10.240 --> 00:24:15.319
Mississippi, at five o'clock in the
morning, wearing a mask Santa had

267
00:24:15.440 --> 00:24:22.559
and a flowing white beard. Nothing
nefarious just yet, but Anderson was carrying

268
00:24:22.599 --> 00:24:29.079
something. I'm pretty sure the real
Saint Nick doesn't have a gun. Yeah.

269
00:24:29.400 --> 00:24:33.839
The convenience store had two entry doors, but one was locked overnight for

270
00:24:33.920 --> 00:24:40.000
safety. This naughty Santa had a
helper because he knew which door was unlocked.

271
00:24:40.599 --> 00:24:45.839
He held up the cashiers and made
off with cash and cigarettes. Another

272
00:24:45.880 --> 00:24:48.240
side, maybe Santa was feeling a
little stressed, you know, need a

273
00:24:48.240 --> 00:24:53.200
cigarette. One of the cashiers,
a woman named Carla Brown, told the

274
00:24:53.240 --> 00:24:57.839
local ABC affiliate, I don't know
what he wanted to portray, because Santa

275
00:24:57.880 --> 00:25:03.839
Claus doesn't do any thing like that
you're not wrong, Carla. She also

276
00:25:03.880 --> 00:25:07.640
said, I guess he was trying
to do his best to make sure he

277
00:25:07.759 --> 00:25:15.240
was covered. But but wow,
but wow goes for a lot of the

278
00:25:15.240 --> 00:25:18.599
people we've talked about today. Yeah. Wow. Indeed, As for the

279
00:25:18.680 --> 00:25:22.559
other cashier, Cecilia Peyton, who
was present at the time of the crime,

280
00:25:23.000 --> 00:25:29.480
she was later arrested for a conspiracy
to commit armed robbery. Sounds like

281
00:25:29.559 --> 00:25:33.920
this was an inside job. Oh
yeah, Santa totally had an Elf on

282
00:25:33.000 --> 00:25:42.839
the inside for this one. Santa's
helper was on the dark side. I

283
00:25:42.920 --> 00:25:49.559
mean, Sanna's stealing cash and cigarettes. Really do better, make better choices,

284
00:25:51.160 --> 00:25:56.519
Really do better, Santa? What
kind of example are you setting for

285
00:25:56.559 --> 00:26:00.960
all the children out there? I
believe in you. It's just sad.

286
00:26:00.640 --> 00:26:07.920
It is sad, Santa noises.
Okay, So this next one is another

287
00:26:07.960 --> 00:26:11.759
one that doesn't exactly have like the
iconic suit involved. But when I get

288
00:26:11.799 --> 00:26:15.319
into it, you'll see why it
was included. In January twenty sixteen,

289
00:26:15.559 --> 00:26:21.680
a man was pulled over for driving
in the wrong direction. Here's another one

290
00:26:21.720 --> 00:26:26.759
in our running theme, oh gos. The man in question was a sixty

291
00:26:26.839 --> 00:26:32.359
seven year old who is unfamiliar with
his location and had a smell of alcohol

292
00:26:32.440 --> 00:26:37.720
wafting off of him. Sounds all
too familiar, doesn't it. Yeah,

293
00:26:37.519 --> 00:26:44.720
he performed a field sobriety test and
didn't exactly fare too well. That probably

294
00:26:44.960 --> 00:26:49.000
had something to do with the fact
that the two breathalyzer tests he consented to

295
00:26:49.240 --> 00:26:56.079
were point one three zero and point
one one nine. Yikes. He admitted

296
00:26:56.119 --> 00:27:02.799
to having three or four beers at
a bar for being pulled over. Yeah,

297
00:27:02.839 --> 00:27:08.920
sure, three or four an hour
maybe. So why did we include

298
00:27:10.039 --> 00:27:15.880
this seemingly normal sounding d u Why
Well, because the man who was pulled

299
00:27:15.920 --> 00:27:26.279
over and arrested was legally named Santa
Claus. There's really something unnerving about hearing

300
00:27:26.839 --> 00:27:32.240
Santa Claus pulled over for Duy.
It also doesn't help that his mugshot bears

301
00:27:32.240 --> 00:27:37.519
a striking resemblance to the Jolly fat
Man himself. And yes, Duy deserves

302
00:27:37.559 --> 00:27:41.799
the title of dumb because it's dumb
to drink and drive. Haven't we gotten

303
00:27:41.799 --> 00:27:45.720
over this before? There's my little
PSA for today. So the first thing

304
00:27:45.759 --> 00:27:51.240
that popped into my head was it
sounds like earlier in this guy's life he

305
00:27:51.519 --> 00:27:55.160
probably got told he looked like Santa
Claus a lot and he thought it would

306
00:27:55.200 --> 00:28:00.880
be really fun to legally change his
name to Santa Claus. And here we

307
00:28:00.920 --> 00:28:11.119
are in our late sixties making very
non Santa Claus life decisions. Yeah,

308
00:28:11.200 --> 00:28:14.200
but I mean at this point he's
probably like, I'm too old. I'm

309
00:28:14.240 --> 00:28:17.119
not changing it now. I don't. I don't give a shit anymore.

310
00:28:17.279 --> 00:28:21.920
You know, maybe maybe he did
go through and like actually change his name,

311
00:28:22.039 --> 00:28:26.200
or maybe his parents were just really
into the holiday spirit. Maybe,

312
00:28:26.359 --> 00:28:30.759
but that you know, he would
continue on with the he would live up

313
00:28:30.799 --> 00:28:33.640
to the name, and he's just
like, not fuck that well. I

314
00:28:33.680 --> 00:28:38.319
mean, it sounds like in appearance
at least he did. If that was

315
00:28:38.359 --> 00:28:44.480
the case, it's just his actual
life choices weren't that great. I'm just

316
00:28:44.759 --> 00:28:47.519
yeah, he's like, my name
is Santa Claus. I might as well

317
00:28:47.559 --> 00:28:49.440
look like the guy, but that
doesn't mean I have to act like him.

318
00:28:51.000 --> 00:28:55.279
Oh my gosh, that's really funny. Okay, this last one is

319
00:28:55.359 --> 00:29:02.359
actually kind of cute in a weird
way. It is, but I completely

320
00:29:02.599 --> 00:29:10.480
understand why the mom in the situation
was less than thrilled. I'm sure Santa,

321
00:29:10.720 --> 00:29:14.720
just like many of us, can
misplace things from time to time.

322
00:29:15.200 --> 00:29:19.720
Keys' cell phone shoes. If you
live in my house, shoes seemed to

323
00:29:19.720 --> 00:29:25.839
disappear all the time, or you
know, maybe even his reindeer. Well

324
00:29:26.799 --> 00:29:30.960
that's what this Santa lost in Sparta, Wisconsin, back in two thousand and

325
00:29:32.079 --> 00:29:36.640
nine. The Jolly Guy, or
in this case, fifty five year old

326
00:29:36.680 --> 00:29:41.279
Thomas Arnold, was on his way
home from a Christmas party with Kevin Arnold,

327
00:29:41.799 --> 00:29:47.400
who I'm assuming is probably a relative, when they spotted some young kids

328
00:29:47.480 --> 00:29:52.400
outside playing in a front yard.
Santa Arnold thought it would be fun to

329
00:29:52.440 --> 00:29:56.119
spread some holiday cheer, so he
got out of the car, stumbled into

330
00:29:56.119 --> 00:30:00.119
the yard, and proceeded to hug
the kids and asked them if they had

331
00:30:00.160 --> 00:30:04.480
seen his reindeer. I mean,
at least that's all he asked them.

332
00:30:06.039 --> 00:30:11.640
They'd seen. Well, it wasn't
long before mom noticed what was going on

333
00:30:11.759 --> 00:30:17.079
in her front yard and called the
cops. The men they didn't have any

334
00:30:17.119 --> 00:30:19.480
ill intent and just thought it would
be fun to talk to the kids while

335
00:30:19.599 --> 00:30:26.960
decked out in a Santa claustume,
but unfortunately their level of intoxication impaired their

336
00:30:27.079 --> 00:30:32.880
judgment. An open can of beer
was found in the vehicle, and Kevin

337
00:30:33.000 --> 00:30:37.920
Arnold was charged with impaired driving.
One of the little girls, who was

338
00:30:37.960 --> 00:30:41.519
playing outside at the time, told
police that she wasn't fooled by his Santa

339
00:30:41.519 --> 00:30:48.160
costume because the real Santa doesn't drink. But I mean, something tells me

340
00:30:48.279 --> 00:30:53.680
Santa probably enjoys his eggnog though at
least, you know, I mean,

341
00:30:55.960 --> 00:31:00.200
let's not assume Santa is sober.
But I don't think he'd be doing any

342
00:31:00.240 --> 00:31:06.880
of these things. No. Maybe
the first Sannah had the reindeer, you

343
00:31:06.920 --> 00:31:08.319
know, he had the stuffed reindeer. That's why this Sanna lost it.

344
00:31:11.400 --> 00:31:17.559
We've come full circle. We did
go full circle. Where's my reindeer?

345
00:31:17.599 --> 00:31:21.160
I don't know, asked the other
drunk Santa. Oh. Man, And

346
00:31:21.240 --> 00:31:22.759
this one hits so close to home, though, because when I was like

347
00:31:22.880 --> 00:31:26.960
five, you know, Santa came
to my house Christmas Eve, and five

348
00:31:27.039 --> 00:31:30.400
year old Amber was like super pumped
about that, like cool, Santa's like

349
00:31:30.440 --> 00:31:37.119
showing up here, This is amazing, and stumbled Santa Claus wreaking heavily of

350
00:31:37.160 --> 00:31:40.960
alcohol and slurring all over the place. And so when Homie left, I

351
00:31:41.000 --> 00:31:45.160
was like, man, mom,
Santa looked and smelled a whole lot like

352
00:31:45.279 --> 00:31:52.319
uncle ed yeah, and You're like
and Christmas was never the same after that.

353
00:31:52.039 --> 00:31:56.160
It really wasn't. That's fine though, like is drunk? Is drunk

354
00:31:56.359 --> 00:32:01.279
ed Santa gonna be back this year? Or let's just let's leave him home

355
00:32:01.400 --> 00:32:07.359
next time. Thanks. I appreciate
you, know, the real Santa sending

356
00:32:07.400 --> 00:32:10.599
out like one of his minions.
But let's pick a better minion next time.

357
00:32:12.240 --> 00:32:16.279
Yeah, maybe not, uncle,
let pick a different one. Oh

358
00:32:16.359 --> 00:32:21.039
man, that's really cute. Well
is that out your time? Do we

359
00:32:21.039 --> 00:32:23.000
do it? We made it?
We did it? Holy shit? Well

360
00:32:23.720 --> 00:32:28.720
I know. Thank you for joining
us for this Bad Santa edition of Dumb

361
00:32:28.720 --> 00:32:31.920
Criminals. Be sure to follow us
on Instagram at Weird True Crime if you

362
00:32:31.960 --> 00:32:37.240
want to see some of the images
from today's episode. We also have a

363
00:32:37.240 --> 00:32:40.960
community chat we'd love for you to
join. Before we say goodbye, Let's

364
00:32:42.000 --> 00:32:45.519
hear that riddle one more time.
I can travel all around the world,

365
00:32:45.839 --> 00:32:52.920
just like Santa Claus without ever leaving
my corner. What am I? The

366
00:32:52.039 --> 00:32:57.720
answer? A stamp? Did you
get it? Ah? That's clever.

367
00:32:58.039 --> 00:33:00.160
I never would have figured that out, but I think we've established that I

368
00:33:00.400 --> 00:33:06.640
suck it riddled. You don't have
the best track record with them. I

369
00:33:06.680 --> 00:33:10.279
will admit that but see the clue
that was leaving my corner, because they're

370
00:33:10.279 --> 00:33:14.960
always in the corner of you know, your mail, any corner. It's

371
00:33:15.000 --> 00:33:21.119
cute. Okay, until next time, stay safe and make good choices,

372
00:33:21.240 --> 00:33:31.559
especially if you dress up as Santa
Bye. Yes you can. Also,

373
00:33:32.880 --> 00:33:38.559
I've lost track of what I was
gonna say. I was gonna add live

374
00:33:38.640 --> 00:33:44.960
and then my brain just like died. A train of thought just completely exploded.

375
00:33:45.000 --> 00:33:52.480
There. What was I gonna say? Oh yeah, And if you

376
00:33:52.480 --> 00:33:55.160
would like to spread some cheer,
be sure to tell us. Uh no

377
00:33:55.240 --> 00:34:00.400
not, don't tell us about the
podcast. We already don't. I'm pretty

378
00:34:00.400 --> 00:34:04.200
sure we are familiar with our own
podcast. You know, yes, thank

379
00:34:04.240 --> 00:34:06.839
you. I think what she's trying
to say is if you like what you

380
00:34:06.920 --> 00:34:08.599
hear, should it share it to
your friends? Maybe they'll like it too,

381
00:34:08.679 --> 00:34:12.440
and you know whatever, there you
go. You know what, does

382
00:34:12.559 --> 00:34:22.599
dude figure it out? Making them
worth this time? Oh my god bye,

383
00:34:22.119 --> 00:34:25.760
don't use that first by my voice
completely cracked. This is pretty shit

384
00:34:25.800 --> 00:34:38.719
show. Goodbye,